INDIA WITH QUO VADIS

JODHPUR AT RAAS HOTEL

Today we arrive to our first destination of Jodhpur. Last year I heard so much of this town I was happy to be able to put it on my check list. Unlike the other cities I saw last year I was shocked to find it much cleaner then its counterparts. I come to learn that many Brahmen and Jains live in this blue walled city who are known to be almost vegan and so the whole city is respectfully so. This in return equals- Less Trash! We later find out that blue is the color of the Brahmens which they smartly use to paint themselves with. Not only is it the color of the sky but works as a cooling agent and mosquito repellent when the heat can rise to 110F+ . No wonder all Indian gods have a bluish tone to them. Here I thought they were overdosing on opium! 

As we arrive to our  boutique hotel, RAAS ( which is actually a stick dance) right in the center of town. We were invited in with our first bindi of the trip. The first thing you see as they walk us to our historical suite is a ginormous red stoned fort hovering over our head and all I can think was " how the hell did they do that!!?". This 33 room hotel has been family owned for centuries and brought to life by a local family. Raas blends in with the local architecture of red stone and blue doors and coverings. Every room has a view to this beauty:)

We have a delicious veggie lunch of where we have no idea what they are but the flavors our bursting accompanied by our local Sula white crisp wine. We meet our bedazzled guide to take us to the fort of Mehrangarh. It reminds me very much of the fort in Udaipur but apparently this one is much more grand! It was nice to walk along the locals with their children, showing them their heritage. their different costumes, jewelry and traditions made each so unique our guide could tell the difference between each woman by the way they wore their bracelets. On our walk back our guide stops us in the middle of the mainly woman market to go for a stroll. Here the women travel in packs so that they make better decisions. After a couple of life threatening bike and cow run ins we land in the 7 floor Maharani Art Expo. Big mistake....huge! After hours of mesmerizing cashmeres and throws made of the chin of baby goats, we come to understand why these women travel this way! Its way too hard to narrow them down but we did and a lucky few will be the receivers of these over studied wearable masterpieces.

All this blast of information and color works up an amazing appetite and all of a sudden thirst. Luckily the F+B manager, Sanjay ( who was hiding from his family bc he doesn't want to get married) decides that he will be ordering for us since he didn't think we were apt to choosing. Since we are "very thirsty people" we order a bottle of their red Grover wine. By now I have lost the times I had been shocked today but man this was one of them. Sanjay orders us fried yogurts followed by lal maas. Um I don't like lamb and here we were asking for rice to soak up all this deliciousness. After many laughs Sanjay says he has our breakfast picked out so we go back to out buddymoon suite to pass out and get ready to start anew the next morning.
I flop on my bed and wake up at 430am with BB in hand ( Hi Nudie) to a glorious flem enhanced Imams prayer. Sooo that explains the ear plugs.
Anywho, time for a Masala induced breakfast of Masala Tea, masala omelet, masala dosa and kessir laas. Sanjay doesn't think its enough so he orders some other dish that put us over the top. Time to run out of here!


RAAS Hotel

RANVAS - The Abode of the Queens Nagaur Days 2

After 2 hour drive through camels and opiates we turn left, pass a guard and all of a sudden we are inside of an old palace. With workers coming and going I don't understand really what we are doing there. As we get to the other side, the guard opens my door and they saw "welcome". Welcome to where? Well inside this 15th cty lil palace they have now restored the wives living quarters to ...yes our bedrooms. Its a very old and quiet place so after our luggage is settled we sneak out to peak around and figure out what In the world is this place.
  Well its the Maharaja of Jodhpur's little hobby of a guest house. Recently opened a year ago you can tell that the staff still are not used to dealing directly with the guests. The quirk to this place is that it is super old and practically untouched besides the restoration. All rooms are exactly the same as they have been for centuries. No wall torn down to make bigger rooms or broken tile to put in the modern age of plumbing and electricity. It was all done from below the palace. Quite intricate I must say. So the Maharaja's friends stay here and if you're not one, he must approve ur stay anyway. Yes- we are cool like that.

> After our light lunch we meet our guide who speaks very little english to show us the actual palace side. A maze here a maze there and all of a sudden these palatial grounds turn alive with fountains, pools, dancing quarters, spas and shall I go on!?!

 After partition the british decided to replaster all the walls white and make this palace some sort of office center for their army. They practically destroyed all the frescoes and "water technology" they had for a couple of years and then abandoned it. Then in the early 90's Lady Helen Hamlyn from England and the Getty Foundation decided to do a fixer upper beyond imagination. Almost 25 years in, you can see the before and after pictures that thrill you to see how far they will come in another 10yrs!

All in all amazing and can't wait for a spa and some more restoration to be completed. This hidden gem will be placed soon enough on the map

MIHI GARH - DAY 3

TAJ Umaid Bhawan Palace

After our heavy Rajistahani dinner we opt for the mindful fresh fruit and lassi for breakfast for our roadtrip to the Umaid Bhawan Palace of Jodhpur. This still living palace of a grand a night (starting) had been just finished before parition of '48 so this baby is "new" for a palace. We took a peak  at  the 50's looking Maharani and Maharaja suite ($8k+/nt) where royalty like Bill Gates and the Brangelinas stay. Personally I liked the "standard" room with more modern facilities but history sells. After the walks through the gardens and inviting pool we have lunch on the terrace with a view of the Maharaja's old palace and town. Man was I happy we ate light bc we accidentally said yes to all their options not knowing what we were saying yes to!! So out came saffron chicken, the most amazing shrubs called kai sangri dahk, okra, poli rice something. We were bombarded left and right! Great for a 2hr ride to the dessert.

> Now this place, is a lost for words. In the MIDDLE OF NO WHERE we arrive to a town called Rohet Garh, grab a lead car and drive into more no where and arrive to Mihi Garh- Fortress of the Sun. Let me just say Jaw Dropping. This is definitely not ur idea of busy India. Every detail and idea of this "fort" has been dreamed by Siddarth and his royal family then produced by all local carpenters and metal masters. I want to pick it up and re plant this in SD. We get a quick tour and take as many Architectural Digest pictures as possible before our afternoon tour.

> Time for our People Safari to visit the Bishna people. This small tribe are animal lovers whose purpose is to live from the land and protect its animals. We meet their 85yr old leader who gives us permission to enter his village where he lives with his 4 sons, their wives and 29 grandchildren. All have their duties and purpose and everything is worked out down to the "T". These Bishnas have been living like this for centuries and will continue to do so as they seem happy, healthy and stress free. Looks like a recipe for success to me. Later we continue to a larger farming community where their larger acreage has given them computers, tv's and full kitchens. "We have a surprise for you" our guide says. We walk into a Brahmen house and on the floor they are preparing a concoction of opium. Why the hell not. (Actually I'm freaking out on the inside since that last time I had any sort of illegal substance was over 10yrs ago. (Did I just date myself?)

Opium Drink

> After some formalities, its time to slurp the opium tea from this dirty mans hand, 3 times and  the louder the better! Here we go. I'm done. Gigi continues and here I am waiting for a reaction. "Cigarette?" Why not! Hell I just had some opium. Now I'm not sure if I feel a bit light headed bc of the poppy or the very natural looking stoggie. Nope- don't feel a thing. Ok let's go back to our sun fort.
> We arrive just as they are praying the "Arti" thanking krishna for their perfect day. We walk to the outdoor living room to have a G+T and watch how the day turns into pitch black. We meet Siddarth and this groovy old couple who seem like fancy hippies who had a bit too much of that natural ciggie (well the wife did for sure). Time for our rooftop dinner where more food poured out as the moon came up to light everything up as if it were day. Magical.
> Reet gives us the 411 on Brahmens, Saddhu's that threaten people with the curse of the snake for $$ and all the sad corruption among them. So sad but its everywhere.
> At 645am I gladly wake up to a breathtaking sunrise. After the billionth picture Gigi my yoga master leads us through chaturangas and crescent moons on our terrace with plunge pool may I add. Pack up our bags and opt for a "light" breakfast of fruit. Then they entice us with more quesadilla type looking things, croissants, muffins, bacon, hashbrowns...you get the point.

JAIPUR DAY 5 AND AMANBAGH DAY 6 

Today was a long drive to Jaipur. Gradually we left the countryside and arrived to a metropolis of 4.5 million. After checking into our futuristic Devi Ratn where we felt like we were in the movie The Fifth Sense, music and all, we ran out of there to discover the pink city. I had already been here last year but with so much culture, once wasn't enough. We saw the city palace where the Maharaja has his 2 mega silver jars that held 900L of Ganges water that he took to London, weighing over 500lbs  without water. His Guru told him that way he'd stay healthy. I'm thinking maybe he got a kickback from the silversmith since these water pots cost millions. The City Palace is still where the Royal family lives. Now the Maharaja is a pubescent boy of 14 since his "father" just died in April. Even with this change of power, our Guru Reet was able to pull some strings and get us into the actual Palace. Big sign of DO NOT ENTER does not apply to us. Their white gloved guards take us up to the mirror room  of the 7th floor where Gigi and I pose as if we were Maharani Gayatri Devi herself.

We are then guided to the living room with pictures of royalty from Holland, England,old and new fill the room in massive silver frames. Now let's not forget the other massivity of a lit Lalique table that was made just for this room. Pretty swell. After sipping on tea and cookies we decide to shake our heads back into reality and go shopping. I sha'nt bother you w/ details but it was good. Reaaal good.

Surprise #535.2. Dinner at the Golden Room in the Rambagh Palace. I LOVE this hotel to the point I'd say best in the world. But then again I'm a historical royal freak like that. Feeling very under dressed I was glad to be seated quickly with a big table full of gold ware to cover my petty ways. When I say gold ware I mean the water cup is heavy and after a meal you feel like you went to Barrys Bootcamp with all that heavy lifting. Tonight we pick from the Punjab menu since we've been overdosing on Rajasthani but continue to eat as if we were all wearing double up'd spanx.

Amanbagh Day #6

Next morning we woke up with an extreme sense of guilt and decide its time to find a gym and skip breakfast. What a thought! we are going to die with a T!! That didn't last long since, we had a lunch meeting with the manager of this Haveli in the center of Jaipur haha. This old aristocratic house is awesome. Beautiful large rooms, frescoed dining room, inviting pool with cool bar and the best wifi all over. Reet insisted on checking this place out and I know why (notice I am not revealing the name of this little secret). During the tour I saw each and every room still in process of checking out since they keep 100% occupancy almost year round. You want to stay here? Please let me know 1 yr+ in advance but you'll be happy you did to be in center of it all. Lunch- 5 Stars of palak paneer pudina, dahi baingan and more laal mas.

Weight Gained- I'm feeling about the 5lb.mark
Time to take our leave of this ever expanding city and go back to the jungle to the Amanbagh. This little gem is cradled in the Amavelli Hills which are older then the Himalayas. Upon arrival we felt that quick chill we soon noticed we had missed and green green green everywhere. A chanting welcome followed by a red good luck welcome bracelet and we were in a Pool Villa the size of a 2 bedroom apartment. Buddymoon suite for sure!  

 After that very bumpy road to get here my intestines were twirling and I needed some peace. We have come to the conclusion that India's highways don't have lanes and you constantly drive buzzing the horn as if it were running day lites. Vino please!
We get ourselves Aman dressed and meet Reet for martinis at the bar. This is our last night together before heading to crazy Dehli. Luckily he's as happy as we are and decides that we don't have to leave till 1pm! So we take the 730am hike through solar powered huts and the cutest buffalo cows ever. Up up we go and find ourselves on a cliff with a built in stone chair where the royals liked to shoot tiger and leopards that still roam this area today. Luckily they like deer and not humans. Hopefully.

Walking back a team of children gather up and follow us through town taking pictures and playing jokes throwing those clingy spurs on us. Another local family stops us to offer chai and their millet tortilla with gee (clarified buffalo butter). Of course its rude to say no.  Spaaanx!!

Dehli Day 7 & 8 " Good Horn, Good Brakes and Good Luck"

We leave Amanbagh on a supposed 5 hour trip that turned into 8! 3 hours stuck in Dehli sharing the roads with camels, tractors, busses, cars packed with more ppl in their then I can count and the same with 4 passengers plus tv on a motorcycle. No it did not have a side thingy.

We pass the toll roads through Gurgaon which is where the 24hr offices of tech India reside. These offices see 3 shifts a day and never sleep. Oh and they have no running water or electricity. All running on generators. Back to the toll road! So after we finally pass and get closer to South Dehli, the guy handing the change acts really quickly and tells us to hurry off. A bit confused I ask our guru and he says that traffic has gotten so bad that a week prior a man shot the teller bc he took too long to give the change. Now I've been in Dehli for about 3 days and I'm starting to understand the meltdowns.Anyway, after the long drive we settle in to the beautiful Leela Palace and have our first very much needed western meal of salad and pizza. YUM! Note to future travelers. I ordered a G+T and when the bill came it was over $30. Not bc it was NYC but bc they charge 15 for 1mL of alcohol and 15 in tax and luxury tax. Awesome. Big fluffy white crisp bed please. 

Bliss Dehli Day 2
Today I won't bore you but it was a much needed break from yesterdays traffic induced hell. Gym! Then a bit of sun on their new rooftop pool where all I could think of was "Oh perfection of a cloud less but smokey sky as I float through pools of heaven". Followed by sliders, Vogue magazine and a basket full of body misters, oils, menus, and Mexi style lemonade. A bit of retail therapy followed by a glass of wine and I was induced back into white fluffy crispbed from the heavens and I wasn't going anywhere! In bed by 7pm. See you mañana

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Wake up for wedding day. In the morning I have a quick meeting with Natasha the Director of Sales & Marketing for Leela and after talking business I am introduced to a new concoction of Indian bfast. Yes I'm back to Hindi food.

My fave was Uttapam which is a pancake made of rice flour so its savoury with spice and oh so nice. I have learned that my spice tolerance has highly improved and I'm feeling quite empowered. 

After the yum the stress kicks in. We find out that for the wedding reception, we must wear a sari or a long dress. Mayday mayday! I've been traveling w/ 2 knee length dresses(and all accroutements) for no apparent reason. So I call Kanika a local "Dehlien" (thanks H) and we meet at the mall where fashionistas draped in Louis Vuitton and Gucci shop for saris way over my budget starting around a grand. We have 2 hrs before we need to be at the grooms house and we are still looking! Kanika suggests her favorite place called Roop and this wonderful man named Kailesh. He draped us in meters of saris while sipping some chai. It was fun for sure. Time for Henna.  These kids were amazing! After we picked out our designs that they didn't follow they sit us down and get to work. Two guys working on me and 2 w/ Gigi sitting on benches in the middle of the sidewalk. 20 min later we are out and poor Vijay is now holding our purses and digging into our wallets to pay the hennistas.
No shower. No time. Off to Damens wedding.




We arrive to the grooms house covered in strands of christmas style lights and yellow flowers. This is to show the community that their is a marriage in the house. Being such an auspicious day there were over 5000 weddings in Dehli tonight competing for the most grand award.
The aunts and cousins help us in our saree and voila we were transformed into Indian Princesses. The family starts the ceremonies with a buddhist chant mixed with Hindu traditions. I can't tell which is which but they  feed the groom and place ribbons of money around him. Can I have one??

Downstairs the band is practicing on their drums and a white horse dressed in gallant horseware is waiting for us to come down. Boom bam boom we are coming down. Daman mounts his horse with his cute nephew ( tradition for a blessed marriage with children)and we start the procession slowly to the temple. Imagine a man followed by papparazzi, his mother, two sisters, cousins, out of towners, uncles, close family members and Gigi and I dancing to beats of the drum moving inches at a time then breaking into dance yet one more time. Each time we stop an aunt or uncle will take a stash of money and swirl it above the person who is dancing the hardest and then throws it up in the air. This is to ward off any spirits and also keeps the musicians happy.

These weddings don't obey traffic either. There we are in saree's following a white horse ( we are about 50ppl) in the middle of the street with traffic going crazy and who cares!?! Its a wedding people!!
After he rings the bell at the Hindu temple, and more money is thrown up in the air ( I could have bought another pashmina by now) we get into the busses for our 2 hour traffic ride to a "farm" that would put the Oscars to shame (except for the bathroom. Do indian women not pee or touch up their makeup? Especially for a 12hr commitment!)
As we drive up and awe at each wedding venue, we turn and see the grandest of them all and start taking pictures bc it was so so big. Yup, then the bus stops and looks like that is our wedding venue where I can easily say around 4,000 people were in there. We meet outside, the elders do another ceremony of the wifes family accepting him into theirs. A couple of delicious vegetarian hors d'ouvres  and Daman gets back on his horse and looks like we are dancing and drumming and throwing money all over again till we get to the main door. As we get closer I feel my body easing into the punjabi beat. One of the ladies tells me to keep dancing bc the party ends at the door. What do u mean the party stops!??
Walk in the door and queue Kenny G for the next 5 HOURS!!! Shoot me.

2am rolls in with the mosquitoes and we get to leave! Hallelujah praise lord Shiva. Then the ceremony starts and the 5k ppl has dwindled into about 75. We gather around a gazebo thingy and the Brahmen priest starts doing his rituals of burning ghee and  black smoke stuff. They walk around the fire 7 times and then we all come and throw rose petals on them. By now its 430am. I give a pleeing look to Gigi who thankfully says, "ok, its time." We have to leave for Agra in 3 1/2 hrs anyway. Shower. Bed.

AGRA DAY #10

After a long wedding night and 3 hours of sleep we embark on a 4 1/2 hour journey to see the Taj Mahal. Half way in we stop at a diner fool of tourist, nik' nacks and a much needed Kingfisher beer with a side of paneer bashahi.
Revived and excited we get back in the car and hit traffic on Shwarzengger style steroids.  Little did we know that its a weekend and World Heritage Day which means everyone (busses, cows, bikes, tractors, camels, motorcycles, buffalo, tuk tuks, eunuchs ( get to them in a bit) is on the road and entrance to the Taj is free. Mayhem turned into a flight from San Diego to London ( 8 hrs) and we got there an hour before closing! We meet our guide giving us as much info as he can in such a short period. Gigi and I trying to take that perfect picture playing with lighting, angles and flashes. ( We just got off an intl flight remember). Phew we did it.

Let's go to Amarvilas for a drink and tell you about eunuchs. Hijaras are ppl who are born with deformities in the genitalia department. Basically they look like transvestites with very slender bodies, broad backs and massive adams apple. They prefer to be outcasts of society but believe to have special powers. They would be invited to weddings or births bc of their good luck. Like any good corrupt genre, they also scam people into giving them money if not they will put a curse on you. They believe there are about a million roaming around the 18 million Dehlians today.

Anyway, we take the high speed train back to Dehli and in 2 hrs we are there. We arrive and our now friend Raman ( works for Quo Vadis) picks us up and tells us to get ready, he's taking us out on the town. Um, we just spent 15 hrs on the road but OK!  You can't say no to that face.
We dazzle our frazzled state and he takes us to modern 2011 life. Just like any big city, we arrive, cool handshake to the bouncer and we are in the Blue Bar. Hip music, full bar, baccarat style chandeliers and local women and men dancing and drinking together. This concept is actually pretty new in society. Women were never seen "out" with guy friends drinking, wearing skirts and...flats? (They'll get the hang of it soon enough).
Through conversation our Seikh friend tells us how he will marry for love because he doesn't believe in arranged but for his sister he wants an arranged marriage. Interesting?Double standard? Yes! Reminds me of Mexico.hmm Speaking of our great country we teach him our mexican tequila of "arriba, abajo, al centro" and call it a night.
Of course we now invite eye candy to the wedding.

Wedding Party and Hyderabad in a nutshell. The End.

 Wedding reception day arrives and we got dolled up on our 2nd saree wearing evening. Our dashing date takes us to the party and its back to hrs of photo taking for the happy couple and us mingling to the beats of the seikh army band. A couple of drinks and we are maneuvering are bejeweled costumes w/ less intimidation.
The party ends early and try to continue the party but then again we are flying early to the gateway of the south, Hyderabad

We arrive to  one of the wealthiest ppl in the worlds "home". Still #5 on the money it list it was said that these Nizams use to use diamonds as paper weights. We are taken by horse carriage up to the palace and escorted to the room by our lovely butler shabawa or shabu shabu? Gigi is as sick as I've even seen someone so after our sundowner of melodic" whose got talent "india style evening she goes to bed early.
So by now I haven't mentioned but I got a call from my father that my grandmother (Oma) had passed away :(  he asks me to  try and make it to the funeral but I'm exhausted here on week 3. But family is family and I'm now in planning mode in my head.
The next morning we visit the fort of hyderabad. Poor guide kept blabbing and clapping away through the 360 steps up but I'm just not there. Somewhere between the acoustics and mosaic ed mausoleums I notice a bloody goat leg dripping from a tree branch. Ummm. Excuse me? Am I the only one noticing the drip drip drip bloody drip. "Well" Mr Guide says, " looks like someone got pregnant"........I'm still 'umming' here.
Yeah sooo, there was a termite mound under a tree ( what a concept) and they believe that the sacred cobra lives under it. So they offer it coconuts and pray to the snake for fertility. Looks like the chick got knocked up bc as a thank you note to the cobra they offered him a goat. Drip. Drip.
And now its time for a 5 course, 18 flavors meal. Got goat? No seriously, this meal was insane. I have to say after my kilos of expertise, TAJ hotels have the best Indian food. Lekker!
The minute we get back to the hotel, I figure out my options and get everything settled to leave for Holland. Relief. I take a quick tour through the petite 101 seat dining table room, jade room, billiard room, study room, and the entrance with about 6 mona lisa staring paitings. They seriously follow ur gaze like doting admirers.
We have our last dinner with our Guru Reet :( and make sure we get our 330am wake up call.
India, Thank You.
Reet, Thank You http://www.quovadis.in/
and all the hotels who hosted us...Thank You!!

Trident Hotel-Dehli

Raas Ranvas - Jodhpur

Mihir garh

Chhatra Sagar                 

Devi Ratn- Jaipur

Amanbagh 

Leela Palace- Dehli

TAJ Falaknuma Hyderabad 

Will be back soon, visa expires end on April ;)